How to be right
without making other people wrong
What exactly are we trying to accomplish by proving to others
that we’re right? We might win the argument but ultimately
lose the relationship. Perhaps a better, deeper-rooted question
is this: Why do we lose sight of success, of our big objective,
when we feel challenged or intimidated?
When I prepare to negotiate, provide a service or turn
my employees’ talent into performance, I know deep down
that if I make people feel valuable they will see my input
as having value. But in that moment when they are just hands-down,
across-the-board dead wrong, I sometimes can’t stop
myself from letting them know how incredibly wrong they are.
When that happens, my ability to influence them vaporizes
on the spot, and I’m left dealing with the response
I created by making them wrong.
I think this is the most consistently counterproductive
thing we do in business and, I suspect, in our personal lives
too. It may be the foundation of communication breakdown.
Maybe this behavior is so prevalent because it’s part of
human nature. Could we be natural born jerks? (Jerkdom – nature
or nurture?) If so, how do we overcome the urge to prove
our point at the expense of our business or relationship?
Wynn Solutions studied thousands of top communicators and
saw a common behavior among them: the practice of not making
people wrong. We decided to find out how they did it.
We discovered that these top communicators lowered their
expectations of other people’s behavior before meeting
with them face to face. It seemed to reduce the tendency
to overreact in the heat of the moment. Also, they walked
in the door with an agenda of not making the other person
wrong and of looking for areas where the other person’s
knowledge was strong. So when that moment came – when
other people made their limited knowledge obvious – top
communicators were not so ready to pounce.
This approach may sound a bit condescending to some, but
it sure beats dealing with communication issues you create
for yourself by having to prove you’re the smartest
person in the room. It allows you to be right without making
others feel wrong.
© Wynn Solutions 2005. Author: Garrison Wynn
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